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NORFOLK
DIALECT LETTER, 1848
This
article was sent to the Editor of the Eastern Daily Press
and forwarded to Keith Skipper who has presented it here for
lovers of the dialect everywhere to read and enjoy.
“LOOKEL
GUVVERMINT”
Deer
Sir,
Bein
a perookial elector I should like to says a few wuds about
the Perish Counsels Act. I spose we all on us ha’ bin
a-studdyin its warious perwisions. I’m not a-goin to
go into the missa-lanous dooties witch will dewolve on the
new boddies when they are duly gotten into wurreken order,
but I may obsarve how-ever that the wuckhousen will go on
as afore. There’ll still be gargins elected only on a
demma cratic princerpill. Now there are gargins by wirtue
of thar offus as magistrats called or known in offishal suckles
as ‘Eggs of fish, E.O.’. Well I was a-readin’
claws 20 last night & the only thing I could arrive at
wuz these.
Eggs
of fish E.O. gargins ha’ got the sack, or thar will het.
(‘Nothin eggstenuate nor set down a horse in malice’)
The westries will be transferred to the councils (eggscept
clasyasticle effairs). Then there’ll be the school rooms
used by the perish, an a lot o' other things done, wizz, overseers
appinted, land acquired, lotments hired, money borrered, futpaths
and roads repaired, an setra, an setra. The best on it is
the meetins ha got to be held arter sicks o’clock pee.
m., so that d’ye see we labourers can take a prommernant
part in manidgment of our perookial bisness.
Now
ever sin I was a buoy I ha’ hankered arter a perish appintment,
but the wust on it of late years I ha’ had to fight agin
my wife’s horsetillity. She seem to me to be allas a-tryin’
to damp my perookial arder. Wot for I can’t think. There’s
one thing if I was made a perish councillor I could dror up
any perookial dockerment in strict non-conformity wi’
law. Thas more’n many on ’em could dew. The differs
twixt me and the lawers is I kerry all my legal frizzyolergy
in my hid. The lawers git thars out o’ books. O I forgot
to say I might ha’ been nomernated perish constable once,
but I wooden het; I doon call that a honner at all. There’s
a lot on em a-holdin’ that offus that can’y nayther
reed nor rite, nor never could from their embryo upwards.
(‘Nothin eggstenuate nor set down a horse in malice’.)
But as I was a-sayin’ my wife seem to me to abor the
wery princypills that I am so much dewoted tew, whiz, the
princypills of perookial pollytix. There’s no gittin’
out on’t, she’s ded nuts agin my becoming a perish
orficer.
“I
’ont het, John,” say she, rayther pashanetly to
me arter we had beeb a-argerin the matter the tother night;
“I ’ont het,” and she repeted the eggspression
3 several times (thas a fack).
“Why
nut?” sez I.
“Why,
John baw,” sez she (and I thought I see a sartin eggspression
on her face as she say it), “John baw, you’ll het
a go to skule agin afore you kin think o mixin your self up
in perish affairs.”
“Thats
a-zackly wot I’m agoin to dew, Mary me dear,” says
I, in as gentle a tone of woice as I could onder the suckumstances
command, “for we’re agoin to hold our ann-yule local
perookial perish council meetins in the school room.”
“In
the skule room?” eggsclaims she. “Never! I ’ont
het, John, so I tell ye. I shall woot agin it, I’re done
the cleanin’ o’ that ere skule rume for the last
7 year, an d’ye think I’m going to ha’ yew
an all the rest on ’em a slouchen about the bilden wi’
hobbledy butes, a-pullen the desks & things about, and
creaton a stive an’ an uproar? Taint so likely. The plairce
worn’t bilt fot, an’ I ont het John, so I tell ye.”
She
talked as if the bilden was her’n, which is proprosterous.
Well we diden say no more to each other arter that till this
mornin, when we continered the argerment, in the course o’
which I happened to say that every man should take a part
in the mal-aministration of his own affairs.
“I
doon know about that,” sez she.
“Gaw
bless me, Mary,” jackerlated I (this time rayther wehemently,
for I begun to feel werry wexed at har eggstreme purwersity).
“Gaw bless me, yew muss knew that thas a fundy-mentle
princypill of the British constertution.”
“A
wot?” say she, “a funny wot? I doona wot you’re
talkin about. Isset about the funny prince I’re heeard
talk on, hew took metal pills to bild up his constertution?
Hey?”
And
she actually bust out larfin; thas a fact.
Now
quarls are as common as dead leaves in ortum, bein’ the
chief incidents in the fammerly suckle of all grades of society,
so I shant say anything more about wot took plairce betwixt
us 2. To set 4th the fax would dew no good, and might serously
purjudice my persition in the perookial whirl of pollytix.
O,
there’s one thing I forgot to pint out, and thas this.
If you’ll look at the Act (Air & Spottywood, 91/2)
you’ll find that in order tew becum qualerfied for the
cheermanship of a perish or districk council or bawd of gargins
you muss not have received any yewnian or perookial relief
(widey claws 46). So you see thar don’t mean to hev porpars
presidin or ockerpyin the chair. That wuz a wery good thowt
on the part of our parlourmentary legisletters, and no mistake.
My stars though, if that wital portion of the a-voresaid claws
had a-bin left out! In coorse o’ time we might ha’
seen a perookial porpar a-sittin in the chair, and conductin’
a yewnian bord meetin’. I’re heerd talk of Ann Nommiley,
but, bless me, she’d a-bin no-where wit!
One
wud more, an I’re done. I muss arnestly eggshort every
wooter to dew the wery best he kin to git the best men to
sarve on the board of gargins, twit, men who can ‘plum
the bissmal depps of bumble dom’, and gage the sinny-hossities
of the fishal conshance. Buy the buy, though, thar say as
how thass all a mith about wos abin goin’ on at a sartin
wuckhouse close by, I mean the innermannerties thar talk about,
and all the rest on it; a fabercation.
An
now I muss conclude with 3 chairs 56 & 57 Wick c 73! for,
despite all ob-stickels, and the nateral antippathy of my
wife, I am farmly conwinced that a day nut wery far distant
will see me the dewly elected chairman of the perookial council
of this ere wery perish.
Yours
respectively,
JOHN
FITZROY JONES
Lynn
Advertiser, Wisbech constitutional Gazette, And Norfolk &
Cambridgeshire Herald - December 1, 1894.
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